


"What's wrong with me?"

by puganddrugs



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Happy Ending, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Hurt Tony Stark, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, One Shot, Panic Attacks, Protective Steve Rogers, Self-Harm, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-16
Updated: 2018-06-16
Packaged: 2019-05-23 23:12:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14943131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/puganddrugs/pseuds/puganddrugs
Summary: He's never been good enough. Not for Howard, not for Pepper, and definitely not for Steve.





	"What's wrong with me?"

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone!! This is my first fanfic on this site and I'm sooo excited!! Please let me know what you think and comment if there's any grammar/spelling mistakes. I can never find the exact fanfic I want to read so I thought why not write it for myself! Let me know what you think!!

He was always working. He couldn't stop, not if he ever wanted to be good enough. Tony had been in the lab for at least 2 days straight, living off of coffee and protein bars. He had to finish this new product otherwise Pepper would get that look on her face, and he couldn't handle _the look_. It was full of disappointment. He was all too familiar with that look. Howard was an expert at that, and now so was Pepper.

"Tony? Babe are you in here?" Steve shouted from the door of his workshop. "I have some food here for you and I thought we could talk." Oh god. No no no, he couldn't talk. That's what people said when they were about to break up with you, right? Damn it, he thought he was doing better. 

 _Of course you're not doing better, Tony_   The voice in his head rudely said.  _It was stupid to think Steve would ever want to be with you in the first place. I mean look at you, you're pathetic! Steve could do so much better. And you know who else could do better? Pepper. She doesn't want to deal with you and your whining anymore. Everyone would be so much better off without you._

He tried to keep the tears at bay but it was no use. He knew the voice was right. Who could ever want him? He was a shitty son, a shitty friend, and a shitty boyfriend. Howard had always drilled it into his head that he was worth nothing, and Tony knew it was true.

"Baby? Oh my god baby what's wrong?" Tony knew he was panicking but there was nothing he could do to stop it. He could hear Steve coming towards him, finally getting into the workshop when JARVIS had decided Tony's heart rate was much too fast. "Leave me alone Steve. I can't talk right now." He meant for it to come out harsh, but instead he just sounded small and weak. God he was so weak.

"Tony please, talk to me. Why are you crying? And why are you hiding under the table?" Steve sounded so concerned and now he knew why. He hadn't realized he was sitting under the table, rocking himself back and forth while crying silently. He had to cry silently. Howard hated when he was too loud.

How pathetic was he? He was a grown man hiding under a table because his boyfriend said they should talk. He was so stupid, why was he always so stupid?

"Tony please stop, you're hurting yourself! Stop hitting yourself, please! Did I do something to upset you? I'm so sorry" He hadn't realized he was hitting himself in the face over and over, hard enough to bruise his face. His face and knuckles were sore, but it was the only thing keeping him grounded at the moment. He kept punching himself over and over, ignoring Steve's please for him to stop. All the while he was thinking  _"How ironic that Steve is apologizing when I should be apologizing for acting like a child?"_

He could taste blood from where his tooth had cut his cheek, and he was crying harder now. Suddenly, large hands grabbed his wrist and stopped it from hitting his face. "Breathe with me baby, please. Just try to follow my breathing"

But Tony couldn't calm down. "I'm sorry Steve I'm so sorry, I know I'm stupid for this and worthless but please don't leave me, not like Pepper or Howard please please please. I can't go through that again, oh god Steve please don't leave." He was sobbing now, barely able to get the words out.

"Tony please, oh my god please just try to calm down you're scaring me. I'm not leaving you, I'm never leaving you. You don't even know how happy you make me and I would be an idiot to leave you. Please baby, try to take deep breaths" Steve was trying hard not to panic, but the ramblings of Tony saying he was worthless was scaring him. Didn't Tony know how much he meant to Steve?

Tony started to follow Steve's breathing, and after 20 minutes finally calmed down enough to stop crying. Steve was still there, crouched underneath the table and holding him. "I'm sorry Steve, I didn't mean for that to happen. Just forget it, I'm fine."  Tony said softly, trying for nonchalant but missing by a mile. Steve looked at him incredulously. "Fine? Tony you're not fine! And don't apologize for a panic attack, you never need to be sorry for that. I just hope you know that I'm never leaving you. You're my life Tony, and I love you so much. You're not worthless. You're a damn genius who is also the most selfless man I've ever met. I can't believe you don't know that" 

Tony look at him with so much love it took Steve's breath away. "I love you Steve, you know that? You're incredible. I'm sorry I scared you. And I might not believe everything you say now, but I'm working on it. As long as you're here, I think I can do it."

"Do you think you're ready to get up from underneath the table now? I may be a super-soldier but my back definitely didn't get the message. And we need to put some ice on your face and hand. You really did a number on yourself babe" Tony looked a little embarrassed that he had been hurting himself without even realizing it. His face was already bruising, and his knuckles were swollen. Steve saw this and tried to reassure him, "Tony, you don't have to be ashamed. I wish you hadn't done that to yourself but I'm here now. Let me take care of you." He leaned down and gently kissed Tony, hoping he could convey all of his love into the kiss.

"Yeah let's get up now. I haven't eaten in a while and a nap with you definitely sounds good." Tony said after the kiss had ended.

Everything wasn't perfect, but he knew as long as Steve was by his side, he could get through this.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Ahh first fanfic done! I loved writing it and can't wait to write more. Comment suggestions if you have any <3


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